Race for life

I had no idea what to expect at a huge charity fundraiser. I don't really like large organised events. However I was humbled and bowled over by the feeling of heartfelt respect and the sheer numbers that attended this race for life at the Norwich Showgrounds. This was one of 4 races this weekend and there were thousands of people there. It makes you realise what an epidemic cancer is. My best buddy and a few other lovely friends were making it real in a most outrageous way. Here's Sarah (with Clarissa and Zebbie) in her burlesque outfit (plus last minute t-shirt purchase!)

and Kerry looking immaculate at the end of the race.
I was number one Zebbie wrangler so I saw quite a bit of the bouncy castle, but the signs on peoples backs brought tears and a huge lump in my throat that stayed with me the whole day. Big or small, fat or thin, old or young, everyone was there with a huge sense of purpose.
Richard would have been very proud of you lovelies. Thanks Clarry for battling through even with a bad back.
and Big daddy Russ, we couldn't have done it without your motivational moves!


As a

A moving, wonderful and appalling day.

If this terrible thing had to happen in the world of Ricardo and Jo Ludbrook, it could not have happened in a better place. The good people of East Harling and Bridgham have provided the most supportive network one could ever wish for. Roxi and I have been hugged and kissed, cooked and cared for better than I ever thought possible in this day and age of disconnection and drift. My heart still hurts terribly and will for a good while to come, but it is also buoyed by all the friends we have surrounding us.
Here is a small record of the funeral that happened here on Friday the 8th October 2010 for Richard Kenley Ludbrook.

(There is audio of the complete service here when you click on the link (you will need to view/listen in internet explorer)).
It started at 3.30 at our house when Owen came with his horse and trolley. He apologised because the trolley was a little "rustic". I thought it perfect.The funeral directors loaded the coffin onto the trolley. Richard's brother Ray here added a last bunch of flowers.

Richard's favourite flowers were dahlias and luckily they were in abundance because of the time of year.
The sartorial Ricardo would have loved Annette's shoes
Two hemispheres collided here when Dylan in his wedding suit met Sally & John in their choir robes.
My darlings Clarissa and Yusuf.I think about 60 people walked behind the coffin to the Church
If you listen to the service you will hear what an amazing send off it was. How many people are lucky enough to have two vicars that knew them incredibly well to take their funeral?
After the service everyone was invited to join us at the side of the grave. I had no idea there were so many people attending, they poured down the ramp from the Church to the graveside.

Goodbye my beautiful boy.
Then there was a celebration of Richard's life at our friend William's place. All the baking mafia of Harling and Bridgham had made food for the event and the Church marquee was up to contain it all.
There were smiles then. And singing by Roxi
and Clarissa and even me as I gathered all my strength to sing Richard's favourite sing "Nobody like you". Backed the wonderful Paul, Janie and friends.
A truly wonderful and appaling day, can a heart be breaking and singing at the same time?It will be a long time before Harling sees another funeral quite so wonderful.

Richard's funeral details

Dear friends, family and blogreaders all. Richard's funeral will be this Friday. The details are as follows.

Friday October the 8th @ 4pm
Church of St Peter & St Paul
Church Rd, East Harling NR16 2NB Norfolk, United Kingdom.
www.walkingwithyou.org.uk
Parking opposite the church

In lieu of flowers, donations can be made at the church (or online) for charities: The Big C (www.big-c.co.uk), Macmillan Cancer Support (www.macmillan.org.uk), and for the Church Bell fund.
In the true spirit of Richard's life, please come dressed to celebrate such a wonderful person. The last thing he would want to see in the church is a sea of black and grey, so please add a dash of colour to your outfit, as he added a dash of colour to our lives.The wake will follow on after the service,in the next village along at Bridgham.

The wake will be from 6pm
Please bring a bottle and a nibble type dish.x

We received a lovely message the other day in amongst the many from our friend Lizzie who wrote..."Richard lives on in us all. I can't believe that his humour, musicality, love and sharp suits have not in some way impacted on us and changed us in some subtle (or not!) way."

Farewell Ricardo the Magnificent

Roxi made this beautiful compilation of images and music.
The song is the one that her Dad Richard used to sing to her to send her off to sleep and the one she sang to him to send him on his next adventure.

Richard Ludbrook Ave atque vale

Our Darling Richard passed away last night at 9.30 at the Norfolk and Norwich Hospital with Roxi and I by his side. I knew it would be hard but I don't think I realised he really would never be coming home again. Here are some beautiful words from a suprising source.
"We can never lose anything that is good, never lose love or the memories of great happiness because they are true. I've come to the conclusion that only the eternal is real! And that means qualities that one loves in people - their humour, generosity, honour, kindness, gentleness etc are the reality: and can never die. They are the identity of the one one loves." Joyce Grenfell.
All my love to you my darlings reading this.
Joey x

Better today

Dear Blogreaders,
Things are a bit better today. I'm so sorry for the last depressing post. I think I just got sick of everyone asking me if Richard is alright when actually he's not. Sometimes it weighs heavily to have to keep everyone else up at the same time as me.
There are still good things happening here in our lives, like Liz Boorn-Hall who came to visit and made the best Moussaka known to man as well as the best plum cake.
and the ever cheerful Zebedee
with his best buddy Yusuf....
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Joey

Do not read if worried..

This is a not very positive blog post...
You are warned not to read if you are prone to worrying about things that you can't do anything about.
Richard has been in hospital overnight to be drained.....this time 5.5 litres. It ABSOLUTELY exhausts him (and me too really). He can hardly walk or talk at the moment and just threw up his lunch, complete with pain killers and anti biotics.....back to square one. I wouldn't wish this slow and painful death on anyone. Sorry to not beat about the bush but....I don't know what else to say.
I still have Roxi here and I also have a friend Liz here from France.

Good and bad

I've been wanting to post something for days but have been waiting until I had some good news to share. Well I'm sorry but there isn't any. You're probably not supposed to write a post when you're feeling down but here it is nevertheless.
The only good thing about it will be the pictures of Zebedee and friends that Roxi took a week or so ago when the lovely Louisa was still here. We did have a nice time and as you can see Zebbie had a wonderful time getting naked in the river at the ford at Snetterton
We filled the digger scoop with minnows and sat watching the fun.
The weather has been rainy with small patches of sun and that hasn't helped the mood here.
It feels like there are storm clouds on the horizon and I keep having dreams of being in the path of something huge and scary. I dreamt I was camped in the woods with no tent but still with a blanket and an airbed. I was lying down trying not to be afraid of the dark when I heard and then saw a herd of large deer approaching. I just lay there wondering if they would be able to see me lying in their path or whether I'd be trampled. Then it became more frightening as the deer became wolves. Would they see me, would they kill me. I had to wait and see and hope for the best. Which is exactly what I'm doing now.

Richard is gradually sliding. He's become shaky and confused and is so thin. He still thinks he can do stuff, so it's only when I'm on my hands and knees for the third time cleaning up a bowl of spilled soup or drink that he sheepishly lets me feed him. Only when he scalds himself in the shower that he realises he's forgotten which way it is to turn the tap off. Yes the Ludbrooks are a stubborn bunch.
Roxi and I have changed his medication lately as we thought that was the problem, however it seems when we stop his anti nausea pills - he throws up and when we stop his nerve pain killers - the pain returns. There is no easy solution.
He has been going into hospital to be drained regularly and his skin is stretched now so he can last a fortnight. The next draining is booked in for this Tuesday. Hopefully there will be some relief then.
However he and I managed to get out yesterday morning to the most beautiful Church nearby in Larling.
As it says on the Norfolk Churches website.."This is a church in which to imagine the ploughman learning his catechism, the blacksmith and the wheelwright seated side by side."
This Church is in the tiny hamlet where Richard first came back from Australia to live in the UK in 1969. He lived at Shrubb farm cottages, one of the oldest surviving communes in the UK. It and the friends he made then are the reason we live in this part of the world. It is indeed a wonderful community here and we are so cared for. Often when we open the door, Tony Fry has left a punnet of homegrown raspberries and some beans, Jan Francis has left some perfect courgettes from her Father Rod's allotment or someone has left an anonymous donation in an envelope. I never feel like I'm forgotten or on my own but still it's a lonely existence losing the one you love.
There is love though surrounding us and as my Mum says "No love is ever wasted".
I leave you with a wonderful picture of Zebedee coming home from the river on Yusuf's shoulders. Happy as the day was long.
All my love comes to you who read this blog, I know there are a lot of you now and I'm so thankful for your comments and emails.

Big dipper

Just a mini update for you all...
Richard WAS home last week for 6 whole days but went back into hospital early on Sunday morning (the 8th August)as he was in a lot of pain, hardly eating and feeling incredibly tight in his abdomen. I spent the day with him as we waited to be admitted; first into A & E then into Guist ward with all his old favourite nurses but minus the pooing and snoring bunch (small mercies).
I rang to see how he was feeling this morning and he was in top form. Had eaten all his dinner last night including the jelly and ice cream!!! (Note to self...must make more mashed stodge in future, not the usual gourmet fare) had a brilliant nights sleep and was keen for a game of our favourite card game...Yanif . Crikey, I can't keep up with him. So now it's back and forth to the hospital again always forgetting some vital piece of kit (toothpicks/pocket knife/nail clippers).
Hopefully they will drain him tomorrow and he'll be back home and thrashing us all at cards very soon.
I leave you with a lovely photo Roxi took a couple of weeks ago when Zebedee came to the hospital to visit. A real heart breaker.